I feel that all too often, many of us contemplating a career in medicine have glossed over this question, preferring to entertain the notion of transient/superficial objectives such as 'I don't like anything else and since my grades are good... Might as well do it' or 'what can I get out of being a doctor?', rather than what we can and should provide and contribute as a doctor. Rather than formulating a goal and then working retrospectively to find out why we want to achieve that goal, we should take time to seriously explore and discover the calling in our life, and then identify the goal at the end of it. This process allows the reason to shape the end rather than the other way round. What is a worthy enough reason that can sustain my drive in this extremely trying field (if medicine is indeed the outcome after serious and honest self-reflection)? The single most uttered word that I have heard from many friends (and even seniors who are already doctors) in medicine is 'jaded (-ness)', and sometimes (though perhaps rarely admitted) with a tinge of regret. Perhaps, there is a perfectly logical reason for that.

What better way to affirm this than to be on the job itself? I was really blessed to have this opportunity to shadow and learn under the tutelage of a wonderful and very insightful mentor Dr Andrew Green, as well as the equally delightful team at the Department of Clinical Epidemiology in Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH). A big thank you to Prof Angela Chow, Dr Win Mar Kyaw, Dr Hanley Ho, Mr Alif Ibrahim... and many more... for welcoming me into the team.

Despite a short stint of only 5 days, the insights that I have gained were invaluable. Likening myself as a 'police' of sorts at the hospital, I have gained privileged access to many different wards, catching glimpses of various specialty doctors, nurses and allied health workers hard at work in unison (killing multiple birds with one stone). The Clinical Epidemiology department also has its own version of the famous 'doctor rounds' that differ somewhat from what you often view on television series; incorporating surveillance and vigilant maintenance against potential biohazards posed to the hospital population, on top of checking on the status of their patients. A highlight of my shadowing experience was the epidemiological investigations and management of a cluster of acute febrile illness cases that occurred in one of the wards on my first day on the job! This incident rightly brought into perspective the importance this department plays in being the first line of defence as well as an integrative force of our nation - to safeguard its population from such communicable diseases. The swift action of clamping down on 'ground zero' and the immediate action to protect patients and staff from exposure while investigating if transmission had occurred, was quite a unique and interesting experience.

This opportunity would not have been possible if not for the help of many important Duke-NUS staff to which I am greatly indebted to (Sarada, Joan, Nisah, just to name a few). They are truly one of the most fabulously selfless groups of people I have ever come across, laboriously tapping all the resources they have (in the form of personal requests from the various people they know) to assist me after I sent only one email, asking if there are shadowing opportunities.

Going back to the start of my reflection on the importance of finding your calling, the resources are all laid out nicely before you (to all students contemplating on whether to embark on this medical journey) to utilise and explore. Do not waste this golden opportunity, grasp it, sink your hands into it and figure out if this is what you really want - a rewarding career that you foresee yourself doing passionately 40 years down the road. As my mentor, Dr Andrew Green said, 'keep your options open', why restrict yourself when you can still afford it? Eventually you have to start closing doors and settle on something. Enjoy exploring, as it is crucial to choose which open door is the right one to enter.

Perhaps then, as prospective medical students explore further and become more attuned with themselves, I could finally hear more of my friends in medicine proclaiming their trade with pride and with genuine smiles across their faces.